Nest: Letter Thirteen

Daniel Marcus Randall

54 Meadow Place

Bodmin

Cornwall

PL31 1JD

Dear Vicar Martin,

Thank you for how you erected Martha, I was really pleased with how she was placed.

It looks like I’m going to be needing your services again sooner than I hoped. Ashleigh, you know Ashleigh – she always brought the treacle tart to your church fairs. Well, she’s come down with the same sick that took my Martha. It won’t be long til she’s gone and turned to stone. She decided to stay at home with me where she would be comfortable. I don’t think the hospital would have her anyway, they’re overrun. She can still smile, which is good, despite the pain. She always lived to please.

She still has movement of her arms and a little movement in her legs, and if it would be helpful, during the final stages of petrification, I could position her. Are there any poses you are looking for specifically at the moment? I’ve spoken to Ashleigh about this, and she is happy to oblige; her only request was that she look ‘nice’.

As you know, I suffer a bad knee, and getting to St. Petroc in my condition is a trip I prefer to make once a week for Sunday services. I look forward to your reply.

Regards,

Daniel Marcus Randall

Vicar Martin

St.Petroc Church

Bodmin

Cornwall

PL31 2DT

Dear Daniel,

I am very saddened to hear of Ashleigh’s recent diagnosis of imminent petrification. Who could forget her treacle tart and the delightful addition of cornflakes. She had such a youthful disposition and such an impressive fondness for crimson lipsticks. We will all be at a loss to see her go.

As you are aware, due to this frightening epidemic, we are receiving an overwhelming amount of stone bodies. As a result, I’ve had to get a bit creative in the graveyard. Because it is no longer viable to simply erect the bodies on their own plot, we’ve taken to creating tableaus, framing the deceased in different forms of embrace. I am, in fact, working on an archway and boundary fence at the moment. I never thought my temporary solution to an overworked undertaker would become such a community favourite.

Thank you for your consideration regarding the pose. How do you feel about having Ashleigh and your late wife Martha touching? Possibly in a conversation piece?

With God,

Vicar Martin

Daniel Marcus Randall

54 Meadow Place

Bodmin

Cornwall

PL31 1JD

Dear Vicar Martin,

God save me, I’m in trouble again, Vicar. I think I must be immune to this bloody disease. To be honest, it seems like, and sorry about my crassness here, every woman that gets into my bed starts the changing into a stone thing. And poor, sweet Cloe (she used to sing alto in the choir, ginger hair, fabulous legs. I’m sure you remember her) is on her way to stone now herself.

I hope Ashleigh arrived undamaged. She took her final movements last Tuesday, just as I was reading your guidelines in ‘Suggested Postures for the Statue Garden’. Sorry about that, I couldn’t stop her. I’m sure you’ll agree that hands on hips and mouth wide open is not the best look, and not the ‘nice’ she had wanted. But I was thinking, she might make a nice fountain with the way her lips are formed?

Are you doing any sort of landscaping design with the new bodies? I’m asking for my brother Sam. He’s handy with the gardening and could really use the work. Maybe he could get some good vines in there, add a little splash of colour? I’ll send him over to you.

Got to get back to Cloe now. I’m thinking I’ll go for the ballerina pose with her as you listed in your pamphlet. Thanks for all the work you’re doing. Making the best of a bad situation. I’m looking forward to see what you’ve been creating over there.

Keep up the good work,

Daniel Marcus Randall

Vicar Allan

St. Petroc

Bodmin

Cornwall

PL31 2DT

Dear Mr. Randall,

Daniel, I am sorry to inform you that Vicar Martin has himself been added to the Stone Yard, as we have taken to calling it. I will be serving as the replacement Vicar here at St. Petroc. I am very much looking forward to my new position. I have always enjoyed dabbling in the arts, and do fancy that I have a bit of a green thumb as well. The Stone Yard seems a great opportunity for me to try my hand at some new mediums. And Vicar Martin has really done an impressive job so far. I have much to live up to.

I’ve heard that you struggle with your knee and have been unable to pay a visit here to your many lady companions, perhaps I could come by one day to pay you a visit with some photographs and introduce myself.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Yours with God,

Vicar Allan

By Eileen Walden and Samuel Tempest

About Nest

Nest is our epistolary project, written collaboratively by students and staff and published every fortnight right here on Falwriting. You can find out more about Nest here, and read Letter Twelve here.

If you just arrived to this series or want to reread the letters, you can find Letter Eleven, Letter Ten, Letter Nine, Letter Eight, Letter Seven, Letter Six, Letter Five, Letter Four, Letter Three, Letter Two and Letter One here.