Nest: Letter Twelve
If I could be there next to you, in the room next to Jeremy, in the room next to Florence’s husband, in the room next to Florence, next to my dad, I would be there in a heartbeat. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but know I'm thinking of you always.
Mum has shipped us off to somewhere in Europe, I can’t tell you where because she’s afraid of us being found but I needed you to know that I’m not in the UK anymore. I miss it, actually, with every fiber of my being. Europe is nice but it isn’t Cornwall, I never thought I’d be the one to write those words but here I am. Missing the only home I’ve ever had.
I feel like I’m living with so many secrets at the moment, Mum knows the answers but she isn’t telling me anything. I feel so helpless here and if she would just confine in me, I think we could help. I really think we could piece all this together. It kind of started here, with her, so surely it should end with us too? I don’t know, I just wish this had never happened and those things never came into our lives.
She isn’t letting me get in contact with Dad and I’m so worried about him. I hope he knows how much I love him. I don’t imagine you get to leave your room but if you see him, or even if one of the nurses can get a message to him, tell him I love him. No matter what.
Something I can tell you though, which I hope brings you some comfort and maybe even hope. I found a letter in Mum's things from a Dr. Elizabeth Pennlan. She had examined Dad and was really interested in what was going on. She’d heard about it all before, it was nothing new to her. She wanted to be kept updated on everything and honestly, I have no idea what Mum has told her but I decided to write to her. I told her of our theory and everything that’s happened, about you and dad and the rest of the town. I think there’s a really good chance she could help us with this, Clara.
So, I have a favour to ask of you. I need you to hang in there, I need you fight whatever this is and just wait. Wait for her to get there because I have a really, really good feeling that she knows a solution that could help us all. I hope this helps, even if it just eases your mind so you can get a few hours of sleep.
I’m sorry. I am so sorry that this has happened to you, to us. I’ll never be able to apologise enough and you know if I could be there, I would. I promise you I’m not running. I’m not running away from the problem. I can’t help but feel like a coward and I hope you don’t think less of me now.
Write to me. Write to me, Clara. Write to me when you’re better and tell me you’re okay and you’re alive. Come and find me. We’ll forget about these Eggs and the thing and we’ll run away and travel around Europe. Together. All I want is for us to be together again.
Please be okay, please get better.
I miss you, and dream of you every night.
by Gemma Oxley
Nest is our epistolary project, written collaboratively by students and staff and published every fortnight right here on Falwriting. You can find out more about Nest here, and read Letter Eleven here.
If you just arrived to this series or want to reread the letters, you can find Letter Ten, Letter Nine, Letter Eight, Letter Seven, Letter Six, Letter Five, Letter Four, Letter Three, Letter Two and Letter One here.
You can also listen to our previous Nest podcasts here.