Steren – Entry 13
Bro, I hope you don’t have to read this, but please find this in good time.
We’ve waited for our last day, and, despite what I’ve asked, we need to keep moving. This is sore to say, but it’s been too long. Bro, bad luck.
I followed your advice. Cycles are spent looking at the stars. Counting cosmic sheep. There are patterns here, playing tricks on what I want them to be. They’re clouds, painted on a passing, ephemeral sky. Sleep is a valuable sedative, though now, I find it to be too alluring. I only anticipate slumber to let me pass onto this next cycle. Is this what drove you away? Now, it’s the stars which entertain me. They keep me awake until my eyes let themselves close. Stars, these blue broken dots, still greet my nights like there was a day before. Everything looks the same now. I am scared of the similarities, floating away in a deep haze. Anything to tell the difference apart would be useful, honestly. You can do everything you need to distinguish every colour from the last but, now in this evermore night, there is the sky, and then, the shadows. Vapid light stares back. It’s so cold when you wake up. How did you manage?
I miss you telling me to go back inside. Telling me to stop staring at this far off nothing, that the absence of outside will suffocate me. Asking me to focus. Funny, you taught me what nothing meant. You only wanted my eyes on you, I think. (We’re yet to find paper, i hope this will do, bro).
I hope you look for this. You were investigative, when we last departed. You knew what you were doing, while I could barely talk. I know you’ve been away, yet I hope that confidence retains. Were you good for me? I wanted to think you were, frankly. I really hope you know I’m here when you need us again. I have done everything I could have to keep this fair and keep it good. Yet your eyes have left you blind, and your heart has left you empty.
I can’t wait to reply with eagerness again. I mean it, bro! I miss the words you would say, and the words you wouldn't understand. You’re a pal, and I thought you understood me. I can’t understand where you’ve gone.
Pa gave me this technique to relocate something, like triangulation. There’s this constellation, I’ll draw it out for you,
Its key, right? With each night you’ve been gone, it grows. A new star rises, as we move further apart. Please do follow them. I think we’re going to go to find where we can see the last star. Once we find it, I’ll wait. I won’t walk any further, and I will feel oggy earth engulf me because I know you will return. I like a stupid dog, fogging a window with warm breath in baited anti . You know what I mean. I think they’ve found something north-east.
Goodness. I hope this is more to you than just another . You can fuck up, and that’s okay. I’m exhauste on’t pull this sh more, please? I’m real tired, bro. Attached, is a self portrait.
The site is, and I pray there are to watch you. I sleep only so I can the stars tomorrow. Reach out when you want, and I’ll listen, but I can’t defend you e. I can only give you worn words, and warm wishes.
Your best, and beloved Bro.
by Hailey O’Gorman