5 Ways To Waste Your Time Successfully (The Writer’s Edition)
Attention All Writers!
Have you been using your time in (yet another of) the UK’s national lockdown’s wisely?
Have you ditched the excuse of having ‘no time to write’ and rinsed every free minute our Boris has granted us for what it can offer?
And have you finally written that novel that you’ve been talking about for years at every single bloody party you’ve been to when someone’s said, ‘Oh, you think you’re a real writer do you? How adorable!!!’?
…Yep, me neither! So, I’ve put together a handy list of 5 things that we can all spend our precious penning time doing instead:
Two words: binge watch. It’s time to fob off the news, forget your growing list of To Be Read’s and whack on Netflix. We’ve got serial killers, dragons, teachers cooking meth and even (now this one’s a shocker) a woman playing chess! All great distractions to block out the ever-growing guilt of that unwritten book!
Master the art of texting, Instagramming and Snapchatting, all while sitting on the loo! After all, it’s the only place you can get a proper bit of privacy to respond to the fans, right?
Take insightful quizzes to discover whether you’re Donkey or Shrek (I’m Donkey), which Chris Hemsworth character you belong with (all of the above), and my personal favourite, ‘Eat your way through this buffet and we’ll accurately guess what colour socks you’re wearing right now’ (Mine were grey, apparently).
Memorise the daytime TV schedule to keep your days in check. Start the day off right with Holly and Phil’s whacky This Morning adventures at 10; immediately followed by a Come Dine With Me marathon from 12:30; a cheeky episode of Dinner Date at 3; then a tense game of Tipping Point at 4. Until the big dogs are out to play and we’re with The Beast, The Governess and The Dark Destroyer!!!! That’s it folks, I’m talking about The Chase. What better way to finish a busy day of sitting on the sofa than watching middle-class quiz masters steal money from cocky blokes and old women?
And finally, read enough of lists like these until you’re equipped with all there is to know about absolutely nothing, and one day, you too can be a published genius, just like me!
Stephen King… we’re coming for ya!
by Rebecca Kealy
About the briefs and co-ops
On week 1 of the Post-Digital Content module, students where asked to respond to the brief of Writers and Hope. This piece from the Saboteur co-op was selected for publication by the editorial team of the module. Saboteur specialises on disruptive content. Rebecca embraces the listicle format and upends its advisory tone in this new piece.