Zombie Communication 101: The 3 Most Important Words and Phrases for Beginners

Zombie Communication 101: The 3 Most Important Words and Phrases for Beginners

You scramble to a halt in the dark alleyway. Three zombies are blocking your exit. Their expensive suits are torn to shreds and splattered with blood, their limbs are tense as if they are suffering from cramps. They look at you with greed and say something in their unfittingly melodic language.

‘Ou Gar, ech hunn sou Honger.’

‘Ech och mee Gehier schmaacht deck fad.’

You have two options: fight or flight. Or wait, hold on. What about option three: communicate?

There would be no reason for you to assume that these zombies are actually speaking a language a human could understand. Unless you belong to the 0.0057% of the world population who speak Luxembourgish - in that case you would quickly come to realise that they speak the same language as you.

If you do not belong to this tiny fraction of people: You’re in luck, because I happen to be a native speaker and I’ll teach you the basics for zombie communication. Trust me, apocalypse life gets a lot easier when you can actually talk to the zombies.

I have found that zombies respect those who speak their language and therefore listen to what you say if you say it in Luxembourgish. These key phrases will keep you safe from the zombies. You should only start to properly talk to them once you are able to engage in basic conversations.

  1.       Moien [mˈojən]

→ Translation: Hello

→ Example: Moien, wann ech gelift friesst mech net. (Hello, please don’t eat me.)

Okay, maybe this word on its own won’t keep the zombies away but if there’s one thing my mother taught me, it’s that it never hurts to be polite. Zombies have feelings, too, after all.

 

→ Translation: Go Away!

→ Example: Géi fort soss iessen ech zur Ofwiesslung emol däi Gehier. (Go away or  I’ll eat your brain for a change.)

This particular conjugation would only be used if you are talking to one zombie. If you are addressing several ones, use: Gitt fort!  (I know it seems like I’m being nit-picky here, but the zombies will respect you more if you are able to conjugate your verbs correctly.)

 

→ Translation: For fuck’s sake

→ Example: Nondikass! (usually just used on its own)

In normal times, using Nondikass would probably grant you official Luxembourgish citizenship on the spot. It goes without saying that the zombies regard the correct use of this word very highly.

If you want to have more elaborate conversations with zombies, you can use the Luxembourgish dictionary here. In case you ever need to check your spelling, there’s a website for that, too.

Interested in further research? Look into how Luxembourgish culture affects the zombies! I recommend listening to Luxembourg’s national anthem. I’m sure the zombies wouldn’t mind a little singing and dancing session. The national anthem will please their new-found luxembourgish patriotism, as well as being the perfect rhythm for their slow movements.

Lastly, follow me on my social media. I can’t guarantee that I will post anything or reply to messages due to the Wi-Fi and reception being down, but I will do everything I can to help you.

 

Happy survival everyone!

Written by Stella Neuen

FalWriting Team