A limited time to say, I love you Part I by Georgia Pine
Illustration by Lois Smith.
Distance
The space between two points, let’s call them A and B, is known as distance. However, rarely is distance a straight line. The shortest route isn’t always the easiest and may even be impossible, unless you are a crow, therefore you must consider which direction to take.
Alex and Fay were both hard working, so the summer break from university was never likely to be quiet. When she initially brought up her idea, she was nervous that he wouldn’t accept the prospect of months apart.
‘I told her to go – it was too good an opportunity for her to pass up. I was so happy for her.’
Travelling abroad to work as a wildlife volunteer sounded perfect – relevant experience for her zoology course, while sunbathing under palm trees on days off.
A café was the only place Fay could get Wi-Fi and Alex was away on holiday, so they only called each other once a week. He wrote letters, but delays caused by international post meant they only arrived at the end of her trip. He sent photos, knowing she’d get them in bulk when she could access the internet, and she sent photos back. Although she initially struggled to adjust, it soon became clear that Fay had found something special and important in this opportunity.
Alex was happy for her, but during this time he discovered that he suffered with depression.
‘Things that I’d previously ignored bubbled up and I felt overwhelmed. Although it could have been great to have Fay there to talk to, I needed to face my problems my myself, so not having to directly involve her was for the best. I had family nearby and got better at talking to them, so I wasn’t alone.’
But the couple were worlds apart, both physically and emotionally.
‘Fay was exploring a new country, gaining new skills, meeting new people. I was struggling to get out of bed.’
Despite the distance they continued their weekly phone-call, sometimes talking for hours. They really tried, but Alex discovered how difficult it is to truly connect over the phone. A few weeks before she was due to come home, they had phone-call rich with uncomfortable silences and forced dialogue.
Hi
Hey
How’s your day been?
Huh? The connection’s fuzzy.
How was your day?
Oh yeah, good. Yours?
Yeah
Hm. Oh I wanted to tell you. There’s this guy I think likes me. It’s kind of weird.
Say again. Connection’s fuzzy?
There’s this guy. It’s kinda weird.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
Why is it that internet signal becomes temperamental right when you need it to be crystal clear? Something in Fay’s voice made Alex uncomfortable. She was joking, but Alex knew her too well.
‘We set a time to try and talk again that evening. Time passed and I went to make a cup of tea. I chatted to my housemate and lost track of time. When I went back, I had a missed call.’
Alex had missed her by two minutes and couldn’t get an answer when he rang back. Fay had left the Wi-Fi spot.
‘I knew something was wrong.’
Fay bought a data package so that they could talk properly without fear of interruption. She told Alex she liked this guy. She hadn’t done anything, but somehow felt like she’d cheated.
Moments like this allow you to step back and put things into perspective.
‘We thought we were happy, but we weren’t. I didn’t want her to stay with me because she felt obliged and I didn’t want to stand in her way. I said that if she felt she needed to pursue these feelings, she should and we’d talk when she was home.’
Stress causes you to act outside yourself.
Alex acted in ways he didn’t expect to.
Fay became close to someone else.
When Fay returned to the UK, Alex met her at the train station. They talked for some time.
They tried getting back together.
The reconciliation was rocky.
Fay tried to provoke Alex into breaking up with her, so that she didn’t have to do it.
‘I learnt that forgiveness is strange. It’s complex and requires trust, openness, honesty and acceptance. No one teaches you how to forgive.’
A close friend of Alex’s recently asked whether he believed long-distance relationships could work. The friend was moving a great distance away from his girlfriend for work.
‘I told him no. It’s better to let go of someone you love when things are good, otherwise you risk disconnection as your relationship becomes corrupted by conflict. Accept the distance. Hope that someday you can rekindle everything you loved in each other because you left it in a good place.’ [1]
Covering distance may seem simple but, in reality, you hit obstacles. The distance travelled sometimes feels longer when you have to navigate unexpectedly. A journey might involve accidents, diversions, or cancellations. You may feel displaced.
[1] Anonymous, Interview with anonymous (interviewed by Georgia Pine for A limited time to say I love you) (19 March 2020).
by Georgia Pine