Marbles
Illustration by Lily Evans.
I didn’t think you’d come.
Of course I came, I’m just as much a part of the family as you are.
No, no, I just meant after everything that’s happened, I’m sure no one would have a problem if you didn’t want to be here.
Well I do and I’m here and I’m fine.
Right.
Yes.
Hey you two, we need to be getting seated soon if you could start coming in…
Sorry, we’re coming through now.
Oh so you’re speaking for the both of us now? Typical.
Did you not want to go in?
Of course I did, what’s your problem?
I just…
Just what?
Never mind.
For goodness...
Guys sorry but it’s starting, you really need to come in now,
***
We are here to honour the life of Oscar Emmerson, a good son, brother and great friend to many…
You can’t laugh at a funeral!
Just a bit of phlegm.
Sure.
Sorry.
Seriously, stop laughing, it’s inappropriate.
It is a little bit funny though.
You’re sick.
And you’re naïve.
What’s that supposed to mean?
...let us go in peace of the Lord, Amen.
***
I wanted to thank you for coming Nina, it can’t have been easy, these past few weeks with the investigation still going.
Honestly, I’m glad to be here, I haven’t felt right since he died. It was nice to finally get some closure.
Especially as you were the last person to see him, I can only imagine how you feel.
Well, you’re his mother, we’re both going through this grief together. I hope we can still get to know each other as we would have if he was still alive.
Perhaps. I thought you’d only been together for a few months, Oscar kept quite quiet about you actually.
He always was very private, but we had a connection. These past few months have felt like a lifetime. I really thought we would be together forever; in my heart, I think we are now.
He had eyes that made you feel that. Even as a baby we always said, that boy has the world in his eyes, soulful even.
I can still see them sometimes, so vibrant.
I can’t believe someone would be sadistic enough to take them. It sickens me. The thought of him, lying there unable to see… people say that death looks like they’re sleeping but-
I dread to think what they’ve done with them, it’s awful, I just… I can’t bear to think about it, look it’s giving me goosebumps just at the thought.
You’re right, bless you. Go get yourself a cup of tea, this day is hard enough without adding to it with unnecessary thoughts like this. Let’s just hope they find who did it soon, I’m not sure how much longer I can take just waiting to find out. I’ll see you this afternoon my dear, I’ve got to do the rounds.
Can I get you a drink while I’m at it? You’re holding up remarkably well if I may say so.
That’s very thoughtful of you but no, don’t you worry, I’ll have one later.
"Illustration by Lily Evans"
Hey Mum, how are you doing? Who was that girl?
Hi sweetie. Honestly? I’m exhausted. We shouldn’t be here, he wasn’t supposed to go like this. He had so much left to do.
I know, we were planning a family get together actually. It was going to be a big one, the last time we saw everyone was dad’s funeral. We thought it would be good to see everyone on a happier occasion. Now everyone’s here, but a few months early and for the wrong reason. You should sit down mum, you’re shaking. Here…
Thank you, is there brandy in this?
Of course.
Good. I didn’t know you were planning anything like that. You both always were quite sneaky, I guess that’s why he never said anything about Nina, maybe he wasn’t ready to tell us.
Sorry who?
Nina? The girl I was just speaking to. Oscar’s girlfriend. Have you not met her before?
No… I think he mentioned her briefly a while back but I thought they broke up ages ago. I didn’t get the impression he was too keen on her. I remember he said something like she was a bit too intense, she kept talking about getting married or something, scared him off a bit I think.
Really? He phones —phoned— me every week and mentioned her every now and then. Now I think about it he was a little bit short with me if I asked about her. I just put it down to him wanting me to mind my own business.
Well, he never said anything about getting back together with her to me. I suppose with work and planning the reunion it might’ve slipped his mind?
Maybe, he was always forgetting something!
Yeah he was, and it was usually my birthday, despite it being the same as his! I don’t know though Mum, there’s definitely something off about her, I’m just not sure what it is yet…
Other than not knowing much about her, she seems quite lovely to me dear, maybe you’re reading too much into it? The police will find who did this to your brother.
I don’t think I am. She’s always around, I don’t get it. They weren’t even dating that long if at all by the sounds of it. I don’t get why she’s still turning up everywhere. How was she invited to the funeral?
Well, the police declared she wasn’t a suspect so...
Wait, they’ve finished questioning her already?
Yes, why?
They said she was with him that night and I thought, I don’t know… I just get weird vibes from her that’s all. There’s definitely something off about her.
I think you should leave it alone for the time being. Please don’t cause a scene today.
I won’t, but...
Try not to think about it dear, it’s out of our hands.
***
How did you get in here?
Oh gosh, you made me jump Nina. I was going to start sorting through his things, I’ve been meaning to come over for a while now, Mum still can’t bring herself to do it. I’m not sure I’m ready either but I figured I’d best start boxing stuff at least. Wait, how come you’re here? Are you… living here?
Yes, why wouldn’t I be? I moved in with him.
Oh, I didn’t know. I’ll try not to take too long then. Unless you want to help?
I suppose I could, why don’t we start in the lounge?
***
I almost didn’t believe you when you said you lived here but then I looked at those curtains and I know for a fact Oscar wouldn’t have picked anything as nice as those.
He did take some persuading, but when I want something, well let’s just say I have my ways!
I’m sure. Have you just sprayed perfume? I feel like I’m constantly about to sneeze in here.
I don’t like the idea of his smell lingering about the place, the scent helps. I would hate to be classed as one of those clingy girls you hear about who never washes any of their lover’s things.
I guess that’s a very… healthy way of looking at it. Sorry, how long were you dating again?
Nearly three months, but when you’re in love like we were, it flies by. It felt so much longer.
Three months? That’s quite quick for moving in together...
You wouldn’t understand, we really had a connection. We didn’t feel it was that quick at all.
What makes you think I wouldn’t understand? He was my brother.
I don’t have to explain myself to you. We decided it was for the best. It meant we could be together more, he seemed to always be busy with work. Obviously I could see he just needed a hand settling down, so I moved in.
That really doesn’t seem like him at all. I don’t think he...
I want you to leave. I’m going upstairs, these are my things now.
Wait, no I’m sorry, you clearly loved him, why don’t we stop for lun- What are you doing?
What do you mean?
Isn’t that Oscar’s box? What were you doing with it in the sink?
He gave it to me.
Oh. Why would he do that?
Because he loved me and I asked him for it, I told you, I have my ways.
It’s just...
What?
Dad gave us those when we were little. We have matching ones, the same swirling blue marble tops to match our-
Eyes.
Err, yes, anyway, they meant a lot to us, even more so after he died. I think they made us feel closer to each other. Could I just...
No.
Sorry?
I said no. You were going to ask for the box and I’m saying no.
I don’t understand…
He said it was for me. It’s mine and you can’t have it.
I’m sorry, I just don’t believe he would have given it to you. Are you sure it was that one?
Positive. I have something of his to remember him by but it needs to be kept in here. In his box.
But I’ve seen you have a whole shelf of boxes; could you not use one of those instead?
No they’re all full, besides they fit so nicely in his one, the blue against blue. Like buoys on the sea, so peaceful, so sparkly, so alive.
I don’t understand Nina-
Of course you wouldn’t. None of you would. Which is why I had to do it.
Do what? Look, just give me the box.
No. They’re mine.
What? What’s in there? Seriously Nina give it up.
I just wanted him to see only me. Look at only me. Love only me.
Oh my God.
He kept straying, I had to be sure. He said, he said he only had eyes for me. But did he mean it I–
Oh God no, please no–
-I made sure he did. And now, now we can gaze into each other’s eyes. We said we would. For all eternity we were going to gaze, I can’t do that if I let you take them. No. And how can I be sure he only looks at me if you take them away? It wouldn’t make sense for you to have them, no, I’ll keep an eye on them, and I’ll keep them with the others now that I finally have such a lovely shelf to put them on.
I’m calling the police.
Don’t be silly, besides, don’t you want to see? I’ve kept them really nice. Look, they’re still wet. You have the same blues, just like his. No, slightly different, a fleck of green too. Now, now, what’s the hurry? We can’t have you leaving yet…
by Jess Buxton