All The Days After
Written by Paige Lawson
Edited for FalWriting by Tabby Smith
Day 0
We say our goodbyes in the morning, without a kiss but a quick wave.
I ask you not to forget to pick up some milk.
I make a mental note to pick up some milk.
Day 1
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Day 5
I sit with you for only a minute.
You don’t look like you.
I feel like I am looking into the future, your skin sunken and worn.
It is the oldest I’ll ever see you.
Day 11
A great service, they all say.
A great man.
A great life.
I don’t speak for you.
I don’t speak a word.
Day 18
The milk is mouldy.
Day 36
They seem to have forgotten you now.
At least when I’m not around, I think they have.
You didn’t take up their lives the way you did mine.
The way you did ours.
Day 60
Two months.
The creases in your pillow are done waiting. They’re starting to straighten themselves out now.
They don’t see that I need more time.
Day 88
I’m sitting in front of the computer trying to renew the car insurance.
There’s three scrolls between married and widowed.
Day 91
I wake up on day zero today.
Then I remember.
I go back to sleep.
Day 100
Happy birthday.
Day 107
I got a cat today.
A woman was selling them on the street in a little cardboard box.
There was one left.
A ginger one.
Just like your hair.
She’s called Coco.
Day 152
I am going to kiss someone today.
Your sister's idea.
She thinks it will help.
Forgive me.
Day 153
There’s nothing to forgive.
Day 193
Coco threw up in your shoe this morning.
I cried until I couldn’t stop laughing.
I always hated them.
They made your ankles look fat.
Day 233
I did it.
Forgive me.
Day 267
Coco has fleas.
Yes, I know. You told me so.
Cats, dogs, and anything furry are a playground for them.
Day 289
I’m going out to dinner with Paul tonight.
He isn’t the man I kissed, don’t worry.
I haven’t kissed Paul.
But I think I might.
Is it ok that I think I might want to kiss Paul?
Day 310
Paul says he isn’t going to compete with a dead man.
It’s the first time anyone has ever looked me in the eye and referred to you as ‘dead’.
It feels like day one all over again.
Day 340
Your sister thinks I should sell the house.
We argue for a long time over it.
Then we both cry.
I think she finds it hard to come here.
She thinks I find it hard being here.
Day 351
A letter came for you today about life insurance.
I can’t stop laughing.
Is this your idea of a joke?
One last shot from the grave?
Day 364
Our day zero.
Our last day.
Did you forget the milk?
Day 365
I think I’m ready now.
I think I might be.
Is it ok if I’m ready now?
Day 366
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